Thanks to the abundance of happy people seemingly living exuberant lives on social media, being alone can feel frighteningly alienating.
We humans are social creatures after all. Studies have often found that the happiest people are those with the most fulfilling relationships.
So naturally, there exists a negative stigma surrounding loneliness.
But being alone does not mean you are lonely.
You can be surrounded by friends and family but still feel disconnected and lonely. Conversely, there are people perfectly fine living way out in the sticks or alone in a monastery somewhere.
Now picture yourself waiting for the bus. All that idle time just passing by.
Alone with no one to talk to, what would you do?
Do you whip out your phone and start scrolling through social media?
Or pop in the headphones and let the music take you away?
Why We Don’t Like to Be Alone
Too often, we are swamped with distractions from the outside world. Because we are so preoccupied with them, we hardly spend any time by ourselves, just thinking.
Over time, our ability to focus and channel our own thoughts gradually weakens.
When was the last time you retreated into your own mind and entertained yourself with just your own thoughts?
Sometimes when we are forced to spend more time alone than we might wish, the devil can play tricks on our mind. Our fears, worries, doubts and insecurities take over. So, we do anything to avoid such situations.
The Shocking Truth About Being Left Alone
In an experiment, volunteers were left in a room devoid of all distractions except for an electric shock device. Psychologists discovered that 67 percent of men and 25 percent of women chose to shock themselves rather than spend time alone with their own thoughts.
Shocking isn’t it?
The truth is that the brain is just like any muscle in the body. It requires stimulation and activation.
When you consider the vast number of things our brain does – from regulating our body’s needs, to planning or problem solving – simply thinking pleasurable thoughts doesn’t rank high on the list of priorities.
Even though it might seem intuitive and straight forward, thinking for enjoyment’s sake might require more practice than we care to admit.
The Loneliness Of Winning
After winning my first UFC Middleweight Title, the euphoria of victory would quickly evaporate.
I remember sitting on the edge of my hotel room bed with a towel draped over my shoulders. My team was obviously ecstatic with the outcome, but I remember turning to them and saying, “Man, I don’t really feel like a champion.”
Maybe the win had yet to fully register. Or maybe it was because I had finally experienced what all other champions before me had felt – a different kind of solitude at the top.
Afraid of lapsing into complacency, I refused to celebrate my success. I wanted to get back in the game and defend my title from any would-be challengers.
At the time, it felt like the only way I could combat the loneliness. If only I could score another win, that would truly justify my reign.
Looking back now, I really wished I had taken the time to ruminate on the journey and appreciate the significance of my accomplishments.
Be Motivated and Intentional to Think for Pleasure
Having the ability and concentration to think specifically for pleasure was not something I had trained for.
Have you ever felt unworthy of your accomplishments?
We don’t spend nearly enough time thinking about the good moments as we obsess over our failures and shortcomings.
It’s good to be motivated to think for pleasure and better yet, to be intentional about it.
What are the thoughts that garner the most enjoyment for you?
It could be a special occasion or that amazing vacation you took years ago.
Being alone to reflect on the meaningful moments in our lives isn’t solely for pleasure. It teaches us to be proud of our success but also humbles us to be grateful for the blessings in our lives.
The thoughts we create shape our lives. It pays to set time aside to think for pleasure and happiness.
Being alone with your own thoughts should not scare you. With so many things in the world constantly demanding our attention, it’s important that we learn how to think and find happiness from within.