People automatically assume that I’m a good conversationalist just because I‘ve had conversations with many different people on my podcast.
True and false.
I wasn’t born with a silver tongue, and I didn’t have the gift of gab in high school.
Just because I liked talking to others and had a growing curiosity to satiate didn’t make me a naturally good conversationalist.
I grew into that role by stepping out of my comfort zone as a fighter. As a professional athlete, I honored all my press obligations and became an all-around company man for the UFC.
Even as I stepped into my latest venture as a podcast host, I am still learning the finer art of conversation.
Here are some of my major takeaways:
Research, research, research
Anything that bears repeating thrice is important. Research is critical to a smooth and interesting conversation.
Before you object and throw natural charisma in my face, just know I’m not referring to analyzing spreadsheets or reviewing mountains of documents.
Research is simply understanding the person across from you. It implies effort and sincerity when you speak to someone and act as if you already know them – because you’ve tried to.
My podcast guests are carefully curated to fit the theme of my podcast. As an interviewer, it’s my responsibility to guide and moderate the conversation in a way that allows my guest’s true personality to shine through.
If my guest has written a book, I’m reading it. If he or she has made an appearance on another podcast recently, I’m all ears. Where, who, what and why – I want to know everything.
The next time you enter a conversation, don’t go in cold. Brainstorm stories you can tell and questions you can ask. People will warm up to you.
Be natural and let it flow
Even though you may have topics prepared, don’t let them dominate the conversation. Let the conversation flow naturally.
If that seems like a counter to my first point, you’d be right. It pays to have a list of things you can jump into anytime, but you should only introduce topics when the situation calls for it.
I prefer not to cut my guests off just to transit into a topic I have to cover.
Sometimes in the interest of time, I carefully steer the conversation towards a different direction but it’s almost never a hard right.
A trick I use often is to piggyback off what my guest just said and then quickly divert to a related topic that I want to explore. When done right, it can almost feel like a natural question, which guests are often very willing to answer.
Learn how to segue into different topics so the conversation feel more natural and your interjection less forced.
Rephrase if Necessary
One of the things I noticed in conversation is how many of us are unwilling to rephrase a statement from someone else.
Rephrasing a statement is not disrespecting your guest. It’s sometimes necessary to rephrase a statement just to add clarity and help your audience understand the point being made.
By the way, rephrasing is also a great way to transition into a new topic. It gives the speaker an opportunity to clarify what he/she just said but also lend their opinion on a somewhat related idea.
Also, rephrasing provides a natural pause in the conversation, which is good especially if it is an up-tempo topic between many different people. Whenever our words get rephrased, it invites us to stop and reflect on our original point.
However, just like point number two, it is important to rephrase judiciously. Don’t go overboard. Don’t make others feel like they have to constantly repeat themselves.
Listen don’t talk
No matter how uninteresting the conversation is, listen. Be patient because not everyone drops jewels at the start of a sentence.
A conversation needs to build to a degree of depth where others can feel free to chime in.
I make it a point to listen to my guests and only interject when necessary. Even if the point I’m trying to make is highly relevant, I generally refrain from cutting in.
Speaking is all about rhythm and flow. Interrupting the speaker abruptly can cause them to lose their train of thought, which can derail a good point before it’s made.
Simple conversation etiquette can go a long way to building closer relationships.
People may come as my guest, but I genuinely hope they leave as a friend.