No matter how many times someone else claims otherwise, rejection sucks.
Even the 100th rejection stings. The only thing that makes it even the slightest bit better is that you learn how to internalize and respond to rejection.
And that’s the worst part about rejection – What do you do?
Rejection can be confusing to interpret.
In The Clash’s 1981 seminal hit “Should I Stay or Should I Go”, frontman and lead vocalist Mick Jones croons:
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
The Clash
I don’t think there is, nor will there ever be a truly effective way to deal with rejection. All you can do is mitigate rejection by preparing for it.
Whether you’re applying for a job or trying to qualify for the Olympics, the only thing you can do is to put forth the best version of yourself.
I believe you’re not competing against others but yourself. It doesn’t matter what someone else brings to the table. If you don’t have the tools necessary, you’ll never be selected anyway.
This brings to mind my own experience with rejection in high school. All I ever wanted was to make the football team.
First to arrive, last to leave practice. Worked out relentlessly all through my junior year.
It didn’t matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t work my way into the rotation.
Although I always presented the best version of myself, I simply wasn’t good enough and was benched. I didn’t have the physical tools – burst of speed and explosiveness – necessary to be great at football.
What happens when you do everything you can but still come up short? When is too much too far?
It’s tough to have these conversations with yourself.
I believe that somehow we are all fighters deep inside. When life beats us down, there’s a faint glimmer of determination that can keep us going. Sometimes unfortunately for far longer than we should.
It’s a taboo subject that needs to be addressed today in light of the stigmas surrounding success and mental health.
It’s as if we overly revere the concept of perseverance, sometimes to a fault. There are layers of cultural perceptions that lead to this irrationality.
Above all else, no one likes to be labelled a quitter.
Quitting doesn’t necessarily mean giving up on something forever. I walked away from football and chose to refocus the same energy and passion I had on a different pursuit.
Unfortunately, not everything is within our control. Even your best sometimes, either due to happenstance or reasons unknown, may not be good enough.
When Your Best Is Not Enough
It’s the dream of every minor league baseball player to get called up to the majors.
Doug Deeds played nearly 12 years in the minors, was a Pacific Coast All-Star, and compiled an excellent .293 career batting average.
Of the 246 players with more 4,000 plate appearances and playing at least 10 years in the minor leagues, Deed’s career .838 OPS ranks 15th.
Yet, he waited for the call that never came.
It might have been roster machinations or team economics, but Deeds never got the chance to showcase himself in the major leagues.
The Sunk Cost Fallacy
Sometimes, we hold on for longer than we should because we cannot stomach the thought that our sacrifices – sweat, blood and tears – would go to waste.
We force ourselves to harbor a faint glimmer of hope that ‘if we could just make it’, everything would be ok.
That’s irrational because the investments that we’ve already sunk into our pursuit or ambition are spent. And there’s no way to get it back.
Especially when it comes to high-stakes decisions like a career change, it can be hard to weigh all the various factors.
Imagine if things were different and I had to manage financial commitments or had responsibilities of raising a family?
Is it worth jeopardizing my family’s future to pursue my dream? I think that’s a very individual question, but it definitely prompts some self-reflection.
A Happy Ending
Sometimes, life has an uncanny way of working out.
For Doug Deeds, he had to work a full-time job to support his major league ambitions.
He was an early employee in the start-up company, BodyArmor SuperDrink, which was eventually purchased by Coca-Cola for a cool $5.6 billion.
With his equity stake, Deeds was finally able to have a sense of financial stability and bought his first home.
It’s a fitting end to Deed’s tale of dogged determination.
Whether it’s your career choice or the person you’re dating, we may need to reframe the conversation about rejection and quitting.
Be warned, it can be an uncomfortable reckoning.
But if you keep getting rejected and failing, you may be preparing for the wrong thing.